


Party Pooper

by mosylu



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M, Future Fic, Married Fluff, a truly horrifying cake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 05:12:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12763890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mosylu/pseuds/mosylu
Summary: Caitlin's seen a lot of horrifying things in her time, but this baby shower takes the cake. Quite literally.It's time to call for a rescue.





	Party Pooper

**Author's Note:**

> This piece of NaNo fluff (and possibly nightmare fuel) is for @swallowthewhale, who asked me for “Stay there, I’m coming to get you” from the 100 Ways to Say I Love You list.

__In her time, Caitlin had been kidnapped by a homicidal maniac, knocked a crazed speed god ass over teakettle, and taken down a psychopathic crime lady, but this was the absolute limit. She ducked into the bathroom and dialed the first number on her speed dial.

Cisco answered on the first ring, but his voice echoed as if he were on speakerphone. “Hey, how’s the baby shower?”

“Horrible,” she said. “Are you out on patrol?”

“Nah, it’s dead out there. I’m taking a break and fixing some stuff in my lab. I’ve got the alerts all set up.” It was his weekend on hero duty.

“Oh, good. Look, sweetie, in about ten minutes, I need you to urgently text me about something going wrong at work.” They already had a reputation in the neighborhood for working weird hours. Nobody would question it.

“Awww, come on, it can’t be that bad.”

“We’ve been playing dreadful games for the past hour. I’m this close to dredging up Killer Frost and telling her she can have all the fun she wants.”

“You’re the one who wanted to get to know some of our new neighbors.”

“I take it back,” she said grimly. “I’m perfectly content walking by these people for the next forty years and keeping our interactions to a friendly wave.”

Cisco laughed.

Caitlin decided she was going to murder her husband. 

“Babe, come on. Look, I tell you what you do, okay? Go get some barbecue - it’s always easier not to talk when you’re eating - and a beer to ease the pain. Find an auntie to talk to. You get the right one, they’ll tell you all about the feud they’ve had going with their sister since 1978. Or if all the aunties are booked up, go outside and act like you’re making sure none of the kids kill themselves on the trampoline. It’s a golden excuse to play on your phone for at least half an hour. Believe me. I’ve done baby showers.”

“Cisco!” she cried. “This is nothing like your family’s baby showers. There’s no beer, there’s no barbecue, there are no aunties - I mean, I think there’s one but she’s the one who came up with the chocolate-in-the-diaper game - ”

“The what now?”

“And there are definitely no kids risking suicide via trampoline! There are just a bunch of women sitting around smelling chocolate bars melted into diapers and tasting baby food. And the godmother’s decreed that since the mommy-to-be can’t have alcohol, nobody can.”

He set down his wrench. She could hear it clunk. “What?”

_“We’re doing this all sober._ And this is the cake!” She pulled the phone away from her ear and texted the picture she’d snapped a few minutes before, when it had been wheeled out to ooos and aaaaahs and Caitlin valiantly attempting to repress a scream.

“That’s a baby,” he said.

“Yes,” she said.

“That’s a baby cake? Cake baby? Baby constructed from cake?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, but there’s a real cake that you’re going to eat, right?”

“No. That’s the cake. At some point, we’re going to slice open its little baby head, and cut up its little baby butt, and chop off its little baby feet - ”

“Oh my god! Enough. Stay there. I’m coming to get you.”

“Wait, sweetie, all I need is a rescue text - ” She pulled the phone away. “And he’s gone. Shit.”

She flushed the toilet for verisimilitude and rushed back out to the party. Cisco was smart enough not to breach from Star Labs directly to the middle of their street, but their house was just around the corner. He would be here soon.

“Caitlin, that’s the third time you’ve gone to the bathroom since you got here!” Madison said, waggling her finger. “Are you sure that Ashleigh’s not the only mommy-to-be?”

She managed a sickly smile. Right after they’d gotten engaged, she and Cisco had had a series of long, difficult discussions about the uncertain combinations of metagenes, the feasibility of a cold queen being able to carry to term, and the dangerous nature of their lives. “Quite certain,” she said. “My husband and I decided against it a long time ago.”

“Well, once you see everybody with a baby,” Madison said blithely, “you’ll want one too.”

Caitlin fantasized briefly about freezing Madison’s hair and snapping it off. “No, I don’t think so,” she said. “Are they cutting the cake yet?”

“Not yet, they’re still taking pictures. Isn’t it just precious? It’s got raspberry filling!”

Caitlin was saved from having to answer by the doorbell. She told herself that lunging for the door would look suspicious, and settled for looking around with an expression of mild curiosity.

“Hey ladies,” Cisco said. “Hi, hon.”

“Sweetheart, what are you doing here?” she asked, going to give him a kiss.

“I’m devastated to tell you this, seriously, but work called.”

“Oh, you’re kidding. Today?’

"Yep. Urgent, can’t wait.”

“Both of us?”

“Both of us.” He gave the other party-goers a look of deepest regret.

“Wouldn’t you know it,” she sighed, turning to the mommy-to-be. “Ashleigh, I’m so sorry. Work calls. Congratulations and thanks for this lovely party.”

“Ohhhh,” Ashleigh said. “Are you sure? You’ll miss the cake!”

“And I’m devastated, believe me,” Caitlin said. “But it really sounds like they need me.” She tried to look regretful, and thought she mostly succeeded even when Cisco caught sight of the baby cake in person and his eyes briefly bugged out.

“Call them back!” Madison said. “Tell them to go screw themselves. You have to get some work/life balance, girl!”

“I probably do, but I don’t think today’s the day to start, from the sounds of this emergency. Bye, everyone!”

“Work/life balance,” Cisco mused, tugging her out the door and down the sidewalk, past the cutesy stork cutout on the front fence. “What’s that?”

“No idea,” she said, leaning into Cisco’s side. “Thank you so, so much.”

“Anytime, anywhere, you know that.” He kissed her cheek. “Although work really did call. Came in right before I breached out here.”

“What is it?”

“Apparently something’s on a rampage downtown and it’s gonna take more than Vibe to bring it in. You up for it?”

She shrugged as they turned the corner and jumped into the breach he opened up. “Still better than that party.”

FINIS


End file.
